you’re so cold.

I am on day six hair and day four of a ghastly cold. Being sick really sucks when you have to play both nurse and patient. Adulthood is vastly overrated at times. I have always prided myself in not needing to rely on someone. I am used to figuring out most things by myself. I make my money. I pay my bills. I feed myself. I clothe myself. I nurse myself back to health. I console myself at times. Sometimes I feel as though I am all I need. Relying on yourself is the easy choice. The only person that can disappoint you…is you. It is nice to have someone there for you, but I have been disappointed many times. Humans seem to be inherently selfish. I am not excluded from this. I am sure I can be selfish and unreliable. I know I am selfish and unreliable. But who isn’t? Wow, pathetic. This girl must be so lonely. Quite the opposite. What is more lonely…needing someone to depend on that you can’t depend on all the time or depending on yourself for everything? Frankly, I would rather disappoint myself. At least the shame is internal and only visible to yourself. I am not lonely. I am not depressed. I am me. I like myself. Can you say the same? I don’t know what I was trying to convey from this post. I am not sure you even found it interesting…or relevant. Maybe it is the cough syrup. Maybe it is the madness of staying in bed for four days. I am on day six hair and day four of this loathsome cold but I am unapologetically glad to be me.


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