I told myself I was going to sleep early tonight, yet here I am. I have to wake up for work in less than six hours. I have too much on my mind tonight. It happens to the best of us. The other day I found myself going through all of the shit under my sink and other storage compartments. It looked like I had been hoarding stuff for a while. As I scanned certain items, I realized there were items I had not touched in months. Why did I hold onto these things? I felt so consumed by all of the stuff…it’s just stuff. I immediately got a small trash bag and starting tossing old cleansers, makeup, empty containers, and more into it. The bag was full, needless to say, and my body felt lighter. I think this sort of “spring cleaning” mindset is beneficial. It doesn’t just have to apply to throwing out old clothes or organizing things, but I feel as though it can be applied to your mind and thoughts. I think some of us, myself included, could use a spring cleaning for thoughts of hate, self-doubt, or sadness. These are also things we don’t need in our lives. Next time you find yourself in the mood for some cleaning and organizing, don’t disregard your mind and overall well-being. Above all, make time for self love.
My Netflix account is a cross of romantic comedies and horror films. It is really just synonymous to my actual love life…aka hilarious, but dead…very dead. Although dead, my life is a lot less complicated. I am only required to make choices for one. How selfish of me (insert sarcasm here).
I have been told several times that I need to “jump back into dating”. I forced myself into the dating scene before. In doing so doesn’t mean you’re going to come out of it fulfilled and with a boyfriend. Sure, you get the dating experiences and practice, but at what cost? You sacrifice some of your time, hours getting ready, and empty calories from all of those cocktails. Serial dating isn’t worth it, in my opinion. I tried online dating and I didn’t enjoy it. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I felt like majority of those guys weren’t actually looking for a relationship though. I received countless dick pics from men. Once you send me a dick pic, consider me no longer interested. Guys nowadays send those pictures at the most bizarre times. One time I was mid conversation with a guy (not talking sexual at all) and he throws in a picture of his penis. I was completely turned off and that conversation was over. I do, however, explain to them why I don’t want to receive those but it doesn’t seem to help in most cases.
Call me foolish but I am still waiting for my “meet cute”. I want to meet someone organically, not online scrolling and swiping endlessly. Until that day comes I will continue my great relationship with my Netflix account.
Saturday nights used to be for drinking, making bad decisions, and eating burritos at 4am. Lately Saturday nights have been for Netflix, sleeping early, and working at 4am. The only drinks happening are the coffees I serve at work. This is my new normal. This is life as a spinster in training.
I found myself scrolling through Facebook tonight. I saw the typical engagement video, newborn photos, etc. I am bombarded with every sort of social norm daily. While everyone is getting hitched and procreating, here I am eating cereal for dinner and watching anime. Don’t feel sorry for me…I don’t feel sorry for me. I live my life how I want to. I sincerely loathe when people ask when I’m going to get married or have babies. I’m sorry…but why do you care? How do my life choices concern you? We are not all on the same life plan. Some get married young. Some get married well into their 40s. Some get married multiple times. Some never get married. Some have four kids. Some never have kids. We are all different and we all have different goals in life. So why then must we conform to society’s social constructs?
I don’t know if I will ever get married. I hope to…it’s something I envision for myself. For the most part I don’t mind being single. I think it is what I need at this time in my life. Love from a man is not the only love needed in this life. I don’t depend on that specific love for my entire existence. I witness love every day. I feel love every day. I AM LOVE.
Ironically enough my late 20s only started 48 hours ago. Although my mid 20s just ended, I feel as though those experiences and lessons got me to my late 20s…not only chronologically speaking, but also emotionally. Everything I learned (and fucked up) has set up the foundation for this time in my life. Yes nearing 30 is scary, but I am also pretty excited about it. I feel as thought we shouldn’t fear getting older but embrace it. Looking back I was slightly terrified of getting older, but now I am thankful for the growth. I am surely damn thankful I am not the person I was in my early 20s. If you cannot grow and become a better person in these formidable years, then you’re doing life wrong. I’m not saying you need to change or become someone you’re not. I am simply saying that a personal evolution should take place. When you look back at how far you’ve come from 20 until current, I hope you can feel proud and acknowledge the change(s). Overall I am happy with who I have become up until now. Could some changes be made? Sure! But I can tell you, I have never felt more like myself. Cheers to the late 20s and all that it brings.